It seems only fitting that since having the hysterectomy instead of crying over every little thing like I used to, I now get angry, instantly furious, white hot rage. Mind you I have enough self control to keep it all in and diffuse it properly so no one gets hurt. Ok perhaps just a bit stung… I know what it is when it hits, I can recognize it for irrational anger but I guess I’m upset that it is there. I already dealt with irrational tears, now its this shite. I am just worried. Did I do the right thing by refusing the hormone replacement therapy. They say it would heighten My risk for high blood pressure, heart attack, cancer and stroke. Which just sound like a picnic to Me compared to now. The crappy thing is that I feel so much better 95% of the time. Its that 5% thats getting Me. I mean I am not sick as I used to be and I am emotionally doing so much better but with My highly flammable temper when I get upset, I needed something and the Drs. thought it was antidepressants. I had to stop taking them though, the ones they had Me taking were vile, They made Me so sick. For that matter I really didn’t want to be on anti depressants the rest of My life. I really hated not feeling, but I also hate snapping like I seem to do when really upset. When things bother Me now it seems a lot more intense and well real. So I traded being absolutely devastated by everything around Me during a majority of the month due to My moontimes, bleeding more then should ever truly be possible, a true 24/7 hell, to A rage that would engulf Me with flames were it possible, One that hits even in the most mundane of moments. I hate being on this hellish ride and I want off, I am damned. Either way it has been hell, I hated Menses and I am right now none to fond of Menopause.

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