is it admitting to failure, when I say I cant do it any longer?

The 14 hour days are too much…

I do not have any time for anything I am struggling to keep up with my homework and am not getting near enough sleep

But the discipline is still there, I have yet to not get an assignment written, chapter read or Test studied for. The discipline with school is not the problem. Its the hell I call my job right now.

I don’t think it would be so bad if my job was a mindless one…

you want fries with that? ? 


not to say that working at any fast food restaurant isn’t fraught with its own issues and perils… The hazards of grease slicked floors and the evils of the slicer…


I am just not sure how it stacks up to working for a mega corporation whose sole purpose is to suck as much money from you as possible the whole while promising you the American Dream in the form of their little plastic card.


Thats right boys and girls!! I work for a credit card company…


and not just any credit card company…


I work in a division of the JPMorganChase monolith for money grubbing … 


Goddess  if it had been me you called in to speak to when paying your credit card bill I wouldn’t have charged you   !


and to be honest I do NOT want to be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.                                             I hear the drums sounding and the poor and downtrodden are getting restless.


But back to my point of this post,


I think I made a big mistake going back to the bank. I have never had a job that i hated so much and that could make me hate myself and how I feel at the end of the day. This job does that for me quite nicely. I hate talking to people about money. There is so much anger, it brings out such contempt and a condescending nature that is suffocating and thats just how I feel after an hour there on the phones, picture me after 8 hours? ? ?


 After a full day on campus, still having to go home and try and do homework. Locked into a rigid schedule, not able to schedule time off when needed. Its been maddening, and the attitude and grief I get from the customers doesn’t make it any better.


I freaked out this past week, studying and not sleeping, I ended up with really bad insomnia and called in to work. After the 3rd day of no sleep and also being sick ( pukey sick )  I realized something has to give, and it will be that job. I will work anywhere else, where the services I offer are tangible. For as much as the big blue K copy shop was hard, at least at the end of the day I had a mass of copies to prove I had achieved something.


It seems at the bank there is nothing to build on. Each month you are given a set of numbers to attain, once that month ends those numbers mean nothing, the next month it starts all over.


I am graded on how well I maintain my composure while people aer screaming obscenities at me as if I am nothing.


I would rather be graded on what I can produce what I can do, not my ability to not completely sever my tongue while biting it, trying not to respond to the vapid stupidity that tends to clog my phone lines


( that division I work in handles all the internet tech stuff for the cc web site …HOW THE BLOODY FRELLING HELL CAN PEOPLE HAVE COMPUTERS AND NOT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK AN ADDRESS BAR IS ? ?)


I have taken enough shit in my life, there is no reason for me to take the grief of this major corporation.                     


No pay is good enough for the daily position as Whipping post. I will admit though My manager currently is one cool cool fellow. He and I get along quite well, but I can tell he is burnt as well.


Hell he is totally fried but for him its a case of better the devil you know than the one you don’t know. But I can’t stay just cause of that, he is a rare case in that enviroment of group speak. It just grates on my nerves to walk into that building and be around so many people that to me radiate disdain and distrust for everything I am and believe in. I have met a few other than my manager that I will miss terribly but those I can number on one hand and that is against an entire building of close to 2000.


So its once more into the world of Job hunting. I hate this but its what must do…


DAMN ! ! !

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