Lately…



life has taking to kicking me. I don’t know why. It seems every time I get closer to being ok, something comes along and takes me out. Since October first, I have been in 5 near death situations involving cars.


The first one, involved my dear friend Honey Bee and I almost being broadsided by a gas tanker. Were it not for her skills as a granny driver and her hyper awareness to her surroundings I would be dead, instead of just a witness to a horrific wreck. Blood, glass, and the imminent danger of the tanker exploding. All because he was in a hurry, had to be somewhere fast. One of the victims of that wreck, is in a full body cast. Serious physical injuries, and probably emotional ones as well. To top it off, Honey bee, myself and only one other person stopped to make sure everyone was ok, and to give statements to the police. Is being a good Samaritan that out of vogue?

The second was in my own car when the brakes gave out.I ran to red lights, not being able to slow down, almost hit a parked can and then I almost hit a small child on a bike. Causing me a great amount of grief and sleepless nights as these encounters replayed themselves in horrifyingly slow Technicolor on the movie screen in my dreams; also known as Nightmare theatre. What if I hadn’t been able to control my car? What if I had hit any of the cars or people? What if???
The car was parked in the garage at this point until the Dragon and I were able to have the brakes fixed. Thank the Goddess that has been done. But I am still chicken shit now, when driving.

Then there was the wreck that happened behind TurtleRex and I as she turned on my street to bring me home one morning after work. Another near miss, so close I am still amazed it wasn’t us. People just don’t pay attention anymore, thats all that wreck was people not being involved in actually driving their cars.

The fourth involved Honey Bee and I again out and about, sitting in the middle turn lane, as we had been for approx. 3 minutes, watching a minivan heading straight at us, going at least 40 mph. We knew he was going to hit us head on, there was nowhere to go, traffic thick on both sides of us. We just knew this was it. At the last minute a window opened for the minivan and it swerved into traffic. I am still amazed it got so close and still didn’t hit us. Where could be so important that he had to drive like that? To put our lives, the lives of his passengers and all the other cars around us that could have been impacted, in danger?

Finally I was on my way to work one night, driving my car again since the brakes have been fixed. This happened while sitting at a red light. An 18 wheeler blows through a light change, as mine turns green he plows through the intersection, and right where I would have been had I started moving when my light indicated I could go. It turned my knees weak, my stomach into a churning pit, and scared me so badly I didn’t know if could keep driving. Taking all my strength not to just break down right there in my car. I hate feeling that scared, but again it would have killed me. ( I am happy to report there were cops at that same intersection and they stopped the truck immediately, so I know the driver has at least been punished somewhat for his bad driving, but still. )


These moments have really had an effect on me, fears about life and death, what ifs about pain and horrible nightmares troubling my sleep. Seeing them all play out with different more horrific results.


What am I being told then by the universe? I did get my car fixed, but my issue was only one out of five. The rest were the result of other people and how they are not paying attention to the road. Everyone seems to rush anymore its all about the destination no one wants to enjoy the trip for the sake of the trip. I know time is a factor in this, no one seems to ever have enough time. But there are so many other issues at stake with this as well. Of course in the grand scheme of things the mad driving skills of the citizens of my town really don’ t amount to a hill of beans when you look at the rest of the world issues going on but i will state that I wish things here were different. That drivers were more aware and paid better attention, hell they are behind the wheel of a ton to four ton vehicle that can do so much serious damage. Yet people still drive like its no big deal. Makes me wish I lived in a city with better mass transit, then the car would be in the garage for most trips, only coming out when shopping and the threat of multiple heavy bags makes the car a necessity.

Have we become so fixated on the ” Me” that we no longer even think of all the other “we’s” out there? Do we not care? Is this just something indicative of a greater ill? If so can it be fixed or is this just one more indication that we are killing ourselves, not so slowly anymore. That we are basically on our last legs as a society.
Perhaps the insects etc. that will be left can do a better job.

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