Hello World,

It’s been a long while since I’ve been to this page and shared my thoughts. So many things have been happening for and to the Dragon and I, it seems almost too much to write about. Yet, for some of it, I do need to share, get it off my chest and into the atmosphere so to speak. I want to write about the Dragon’s health and the fight we have going on there, except all my words are tinged with fear. Fear of the unknown, of what these diagnoses mean for the Dragon and I. So perhaps it would be best if I left that topic for a day when I have all my verbal ducks in a row, and I can, with confidence, discuss what is going on and what we are going to do. Right now the pattern is one of holding, or maintaining.

Everyone has told me I should be at least happy it isn’t something really bad, like cancer. Oh how I want to punch them all in the mouth when they say that, Phishmans emaciated body still very fresh in my mind these five years later. No, it’s not Cancer, but even still it is an evil plague that robs a man of his very breath, and well that is not really a way for anyone to live, now is it? Top it off with the Rheumatoid Arthritis and well there you have then, pain and agony, shortness of breath and issues with pretty much any activity. Hmm, perhaps I wasn’t as ready as I thought, to leave that subject alone.

I love him desperately, more than I ever thought possible. It scares me to think one day I will be alone, I know I will have my friends about me, but the only person I want is him. Sitting here at work right now, knowing he is at home in bed, makes me wish I was there as well. Curled up next to him, feeling the heat of him against my back, his breath stirring the hair from my shoulder, and his arm curled round my waist. That right there is the happiest place on earth for me right now. Anywhere he is, and I can be next to him, holding his hand or at least touching, well that is the cat’s meow!

Seems right now the only peaceful place in my house is when he and I are in bed together. Mind you this is not due to anything bad at all, it’s just that we currently have people living with us. We have both his youngest son and his ex-wife living there, thats right folks, I said ex-wife. I have been told by many people I am crazy to have done this, aren’t I worried that he will cheat on me? I don’t understand why they think that way. I have no reason to wonder what is going on when I am not there. I know that there is nothing happening, no matter how much these people would like me to think differently. Of course which then makes me wonder if they trust their own spouses. I know I trust mine.

Either way it’s just hard having other people around. My sleeping schedule is always off kilter as it is, having others in the house just makes it more so. I am doing what is right though, by helping her out and the man-child, I am doing what we all should. Helping in a time of need, when we can. She and I get along and I think we give the Dragon more torment then he ever imagined possible, but what did he expect with the ex wife and current wife together under one roof?

The step son though is another matter all together. I’m frustrated by his actions and am not sure what to attribute them to, is it his age? Or is it his actual lack of caring for anyone other than himself, which again can be attributed to his current age, of 20. He seems very giving most of the time, but there are points where he is one step away from me blasting him off the face of the planet for either not thinking, or having given it some thought, still proceeding with the most boneheaded ideas ever. I refuse to believe I was ever this way, even when I was 20 and a pain in my own mothers backside. He frustrates us all though, so in that I am not alone.

Still it’s not easy, between school, both jobs, and homework, I have such little time to spend with the Dragon, and I am selfish and what that time to myself, and for myself. I don’t like sharing, never have I guess in this sense. Throw into the mix the knowledge that this will more than likely be the last winter I have with my white wolf dog, Keyzer and I am saddened.
He has grown old, and I know his quality of life is diminishing. Soon I will have to make decisions regarding him, that I do not even want to think about, but choices that must be made none the less. Oh, that does hurt, ya know?

It’s currently Imbolc, the first of the Spring festivals, a time for renewal and rebirth. The ground outside is still covered under a nice white blanket of snow, but I can feel her stirring underneath, waking up and soon the first green shoots of new life will be visible. That is the note I wish to close on, the idea of rebirth and renewal. I am working on those concepts myself and they are worthy ones for everyone to examine. Take a look within, we all have something inside that we need to work on getting out. Renewing our purpose and giving that purpose a rebirth into action.

Blessed Be to all, especially all who read this far-

Lilith

Woke up today with the definite chill of Autumn in the air. I will have to start bringing plants in soon, from the front porch. The linoleum floor in the kitchen is cold, so very cold under my bare feet. Coffee mugs warm my hands as I walk back to the computer room. The Dragons cigarette smoke seems thicker in the air, as it blows in on the breeze from the back porch. The dogs seem more animated then normal, the cooler weather brings out the puppy in all three of them. Their fur coats getting thicker in expectation of the impending cold. I am starting to see the changing leaves in the cemetery across the street. Fall is coming, my favorite time of year.

This is Neil Gaiman Author and Cat


My latest Addition to the E’Light Fur Phamily. He is fearless and a bit of a kamikaze.
Until people come over then he runs straight to some dark and quiet spot where no one can find him.

Driving home from work the other morning I crested a small hill in the road to see a turtle in front of me. I immediately braked and circled round praying to the Goddess that no one would hit him before I got back to pick him up. He was lucky as was I that it was Still early enough on a weekend morning that traffic was really light.

Driving along with my new passenger, I reflected back on all the other turtles I had rescued in the same fashion. I’ve been doing it as long as I could remember. Pulling over and running out into the road, sometimes in treacherous conditions to snatch up this shelled creature from certain squashed death. I

My Granma would chastise him, ” Maurice, what if you get hit? What then? All for a Turtle!!” To me it sounded so mean, my Granma yelling at him for saving the turtle. My Granpa felt it important though, and I can remember many a Sunday afternoon drive being punctuated by multiple stops as he raced into the middle of the road and back with his precious cargo.


Sometimes in my child’s mind I thought I saw a cape billowing behind him as he strode with purpose to the creature, gently picked him up and brought him back.


A few times he would be too late, by the time we circled round and he was able to be close enough he would see that the shell was squashed and the turtle already dead. To my granma’s credit she never rubbed that in. Instead she would take his hand as he sat in the drivers seat deflated and tell him that while he may lose a few it was important to remember all the ones he had saved. Placing them far into the wild at the conservation center not far from his house. Or far into the woods off the side of the road if we were traveling.


Once I had my own drivers license I took up the quest, stopping and saving as many turtles as I could. I never really asked my Granpa why he did what he did. I guess to me it fell under the heading of taking care of those who sometimes need assistance or who can’t take care of themselves.

I know that I will always stop for turtles, and in a weird bit of irony, the first few times I did this with the Dragon in the car, he came off with a fairly good impersonation of my granma. Now he has resigned himself to it, I even catch him looking for them sometimes.

The next decision is whose taste will we cater to tonight with what we watch? Mind you our tastes are pretty similar in all things so this is not that hard a choice. But sometimes neither of us have a frelling clue what we want to see.
It usually runs something like one of us saying, ”

This starts an almost vicious cycle of channel flipping for something new and entertaining, when out of sheer frustration it is finally put on the same old thing we watch every night at this time, reruns of Voyager or CSI. Sometimes we do surprise ourselves and watch Adult Swim or Comedy Central. But those are nights we are definately out side the box, and living on the edge.

He decided mid debate that he was at least going to take the trash out. Hoping then that the whole deciding what to watch would be left solely up to me.

I countered that move by deciding I was going to help him.

I assisted in the process by putting a new liner in the can and then grabbed the last of my black cherry iced tea from the fridge. YUMMMMY fruity iced tea goodness…

The Dragon uses at least 2 tea bags of Black Cherry Berry tea an 3 of the big iced tea tea bags to make it for me. It is by far the best, better in my opinion than Raspberry iced tea.