I have to wonder what I am doing here… I feel bad I haven’t written but so many things have changed. I have too many things on my plate right now, between school and finding time to be with the Dragon, living with Phishmans widow and her son, helping them. Its all a bit overwhelming and it has affected parts of my life I didn’t think it would.

I need this for self validation I guess. To prove to myself that I can do this and succeed at it. Very important, and many a night since going back I have laid in bed shaking at the insanity of it.

What the hell am I doing???
Why did I do this??
Put myself under this kind of stress???

The answer can be summed up quite easily: becuase I have to, if I dont perservere I am going to hate myself for failing ( mind you this is all in my own eyes and how I view myself)
I want to do more then what I have been doing, I want to be a success but in my way and on my terms. For me that includes getting my degree finally, proving to myself once and for all that I can do it.

So that leaves this blog, what is it going to become ? I don’t know… I am going to continue writing but not quite sure what topics I will cover. Perhaps delve more into my own thoughts on being a BBW and what its like especially in this area and on campus. hmmmm maybe write more on my spiritual side and how being a ragin Pagan in the bible belt is not so easy. Hell I don’t know it may be that I muse on daily things much like the Goddess Perhaps I will start rating the hottness of various and sundry Professors on Campus… Actually perhaps not… ( not many hot men on campus teaching..sigh)

But I am going to keep writing…

I am supposed to be doing homework, but I can not get a call I had yesterday out of my mind. The gentleman was calling in regards to extreme Cock and ball torture. Cutting, burning etc. All of these things I am familiar with, I have done quite a bit of research and seen a lot of the photos over at BME, I have even witnessed some interesting variations on it up close and personal. The call itself was pretty interesting and I enjoyed talking to someone who likes pain. But what really got me was at the end of the call, the gentlemen asked me if he could tell me something very personal. Now since we had just discussed all manner of torture to his cock and balls I didn’t see where there could be anything more personal then that. But I told him that was fine and to go ahead and tell me what he needed to.
He got choked up, I could hear tears in his voice,

” Mistress normally when I call these services, either the girl is disgusted and won’t talk about it or lies says she knows about it and then while talking says something that lets me know she doesn’t and is only talking to me for the money. You though I can tell you know and more importantly I can tell I don’t disgust you. Thank you Mistress for making me feel briefly like I am normal. ”

Well that made me feel good to know that through the 2 hours we talked I came across as sincere and truly interested as well. This folks if why I do this, and why I am going back to school to get my degree in Psychology. Because all to often people look at what they don’t understand and they judge it as bad, immoral or wrong. All anyone ever seems to want to know is that they are ok. No matter what their particular kink is, they are ok.

I know I have been M.I.A. from here, I am just having a hard time thinking about what to write.

Do I continue on the same path, talking about all the perverse fun I am a party to… or do I talk about school and the fears I am feeling. I haven’t been in a class room in over 15 years, yet here I am going back and wondering if this is the right thing to do.

I want to end up with a degree in Psychology, I want to help people who are living what we call “alternative lifestyles” let them know there is someone in this area who will listen and not pre judge them based on religious beliefs. I feel like this area could benefit from someone who is truly open minded. But that is a long term goal and one that will take a number of years to achieve.

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘H’):

Head Case (domequeen.blogspot.com)

Interview? (swelteringcelt.com)

In Today’s Mail (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

I Want Fingering In the Fast Lane (damnjezebel.com)

KITKAST #1.11 – The Sex Party, Pamela Anderson and Kitkast Field Correspondents (mskitka.com)

Phone Hoing 101: How To Get Into Phone Sex Part 1 (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)

Pleasure Under Foot (4dirtylaundry.blogspot.com)

Reader Question – Threesomes and Infidellity (shayssexcolumn.blogspot.com)

Secret Reads: SexWatts Per Hour (secretbrain.blogspot.com)

Sexual imbalances and what to do (realadultsex.com)

Shrunk Down to Size (radicalvixen.com)

Sight Unseen – Short Fiction by Mr. W (insatiablemrw.blogspot.com)

Simply Beautiful (mimredbeard.com)

Super Hottie From Portugal (eroticandy.blogspot.com)

The Good Girl (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)

The Sacred Obscene (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com)

Tip of the Tongue (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)

zafira and jo on sapphic erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com)

A massage (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)

Bloggers Wanted (sugarbank.com)

Join the Sugasm

Cock For Me (sexinga.blogspot.com)

Diana And Darcy On Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com)

Buzz Kill: Or, Does “Ugly is as Ugly Does” Also Apply to Vibrators? (sexeteria.blogspot.com)

Girl Interrupted……Ch. 4 (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)

Download this week’s links as HTML (3KB .htm)

When I wrote my cross dressing fantasy, I hadn’t shared it with anyone. Recently though I had the chance to explore the fantasy farther with one of My callers. We discussed its many variables and one he hit on had me intrigued.
When dressing him to be her, I would insert a remote controlled anal plug (without her knowing about the remote controlled part). Once she was seated at the table and had accepted the first drink, I make it buzz…

AH HA she is busted.

She sees nothing so she looks back down, her cell rings and when she answers all she hears is my softly saying,

She immediately starts drinking the tasty beverage before her. I let her enjoy a healthy amount then buzz her again, I do this rather randomly until she is red from arousal. Then I approach and sit down in front of her, the combination of My voice, her realizations and the vibrating in her ass are almost too much and she looks scared at her inevitable punishment.

The other change was actually using My dress belt to spank her when back at the house. Pulling it from the belt loops as I chastised her. she is there before me kneeling, crying and apologizing for disobeying, make up smeared and wig askew. I wrap the end of the belt around my fist and pull her over my lap to administer the harsh punishment.

From there I would have her service My rather large strap on, then my pussy, and My ass, while I played with the controls to the butt plug still firmly in her now on fire ass.

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘R’):


Real? You decide (swelteringcelt.com)

Reminder of Summer (domequeen.blogspot.com)

Restraint (curvaceousdee.blogspot.com)

Riding the Train (ambientstorm.blogspot.com)

Right Now… (secretbrain.blogspot.com)

Sanctuary (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)

Sitting Behind You (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)

Snowballed (sexinga.blogspot.com)

Stimulate Me, Penetrate Me (insatiablemrw.blogspot.com)

The dancer… (dzerotica.blogspot.com)

The Girlfriend (radicalvixen.com)

The Peach On…. First Times (damnjezebel.com)

Back at Last! (shaysexcolumn.blogspot.com)

Blind Date (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)

Driving Passions (deltaofvenus.blogspot.com)

Facial pictures… (pornster.blogspot.com)

Fallen (in lust, love, sex, from grace….) (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)

Femme de la cuisine (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)

Girl interrupted……Pt 1 (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)

Gonzo interviews Gonzo Vasili K (sexblo.gs)

House of Sedalia (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)

How to Look Like a Porn Star (sugarbank.com)

I’m not a smoker I’m a midnight toker (mimredbeard.com)

Kendra on Abby Winters (iloveabbywinters.com)

Kitkast Outtakes #1.2 (mskitka.com)

Lexie and Kristin on Sapphic Erotica (simply-saphicerotica.com)

Lina and Rita by Morenko on Met-Art (sensualarousalblog.com)

Looking For That Perfect Pose, Maybe You Can Help? (tirepaddle.com)

Pallet wrap (mnsss.blogspot.com)

Image courtesy The S-Spot.

Links lovingly policed by Sabrina Morgan

For the most part, every post that I had lost when My site was taken down so maliciously is back up and in its proper spot.

That is all but the past sugasms… re doing all the links etc will take a bit of time and that is what I have to tackle tomorrow.

Between looking at houses to buy… ( We are in the market for a four bedroom over 2200 sq ft with a nice back yard )

but I will go more into the whole house buying situation when Scarlet finds one that suits her.

A date with a lovely female friend I have not seen in months … lets go out to dinner and see a movie …
5 points and a spanking to the person who can tell Me what band sang that song

and of course the usual work calls etc…

I am going to be busy but I want to get this all done and final so that the bad taste left in My mouth by the childish actions of others can finally be washed away with the sweet taste of success… ( that sentence came from the addled mind of a very tired person can you tell ! ! ! )

He tells Me that he loves the smoky quality of My voice when he listens to me talk. It turns him on to hear the raspiness in My voice as I weave the fantasy, pulling him in deeper and deeper, My voice engrained in his brain. He sees a woman smoking now and he thinks of Me and how I would turn him into My ashtray permanently.
He says ” I bet you smoke camels shorts, or lucky strikes something hard like that, I bet you would love to put that out on My tongue…”
He would describe in detail the scenario and how I would combine My smoking with sexual teasing, sexual tension and most certainly sexual denial. Flogging his hard cock for each flinch or nervous tic to course through his frame each time I crushed another cigarette out on his tongue.

This would go on and on and on … which when played out over the phone is fine.
Its when he started in on the meeting in person and having a pro session I had to cut it short.

Only problem is I don’t and can’t smoke cigarettes. I had smoked pot first, when I was in college, a joint to be exact and that is how I smoked the herb for the first two years I smoked. That was the first thing I had ever tried to smoke.
Not a cigarette but a joint So of course the first time I tried a cigarette, Marlboro red, I fell to the floor hacking up a lung.

I had hit it like a joint, filling My lungs as much as possible with the nastiest taste I had ever known.
From that point on it was Mission Ridiculous for My friends to get Me to smoke at least one cigarette all the way throug with the hacking up a lung procedure.
The only times they could talk Me into this, was when I had already been far to friendly with the shot glass and the Jaeger bottle.
It was a magnificent failure, but they did have fun trying.

So I had to finally let the gentleman know the truth that I do not smoke cigarettes and there was no way I could do it.
My voice just “naturally” sounded like that.

He then asks Me if I might consider starting, because it would make me look so HOT….

What the fuck ever….

The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter E.)

•Emerging on the other side… (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)
•Fuckin’ the old ball and chain (whatsyourpleasure.blogspot.com)
•Kitkast Outtakes #1.1 (mskitka.com)
•Mister Mistress (mimredbeard.com)
•Penis Questions Answered (damnjezebel.com)
•Pretending to be Mrs. Claus (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)
•Quick and Dirty (talkingdirty.blogspot.com)
•Something new to do on rainy days (realadultsex.com)
•StoryTime: blue oriental flowers (secretbrain.blogspot.com)
•Suffering (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)
•Tête-à-Tête (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
•Touching (alwasysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)
•The First Time I Never Remember (insatiablemrw.blogspot.com)
•Transvestite nativity scandal in Rome (sexblo.gs)
•A (reluctant) spanking (lumpesse.com)
•Bloggasm is Dead. Long Live the Sugasm! (sugarbank.com)
• Business and Pleasure in the Pleasure Biz (tirepaddle.com)
•Competitive Nature (anyonesgirl.blogspot.com)
•Cornered (deltavegas.blogspot.com)
•Dumping a Client (radicalvixen.com)

Lovingly policed by Sabrina Morgan

Photo from damnjezebel.com

A new link added on 1/3/05 From Tire Paddle